Creating something like this has been a scary thing for me because a belief that I have is, why in the world would anyone want to read the thoughts that I have? But then again, I suppose for every voice there is a listener out there. I think that maybe the hesitation that comes with starting something like this is, can I keep up the work that it takes to keep the 2 to 3 people that will actually read this stuff engaged? I also fear that not listening to the voice inside that says, “Just do it bro!” will diminish the ability to continue to hear it. So, I suppose that in doing this thing, I will be able to be a better listener and doer of the things that are asked of me going forward. I suppose that the narrower I make this thing, the more that I will hear the call to move forward.
I suppose that the person that I am really trying to reach is myself. Over the years I have had many selves and some of them have been really great guys to listen to and some of them have kept me in a safe zone or in that dreaded dark zone. Wrestling with these guys gets exhausting and makes me question everything. The one voice that keeps me grounded is the one that has always been refreshing to hear, my Heavenly Father. It’s not a voice like when you talk with someone but more deeply felt and clear. I’m not saying that I have never heard his voice because I have in my way and that gives me comfort when I need it most. These experiences have been very few and far between, but they have come at times that have left me with peace and understanding. I suppose that I, at times, have had an experience like the Savior’s.
One of my favorite images of this loving Heavenly Father is not shown by Him but by His Son. The relationship between God and Christ is one that I wish to emulate and pass on to my children. This story is found in John 11:1-46, I only want to share two of these verses. The story is that Lazarus was a friend and so were his sisters Mary and Martha. He was very sick and eventually died, at least that’s what his family and disciples thought. Lazarus was laid in a tomb, and it was on the 4th day past his death when Christ arrived at the tomb where he was laid. Jesus asked to go to the tomb to awaken Lazarus from his sleep. This is when this moment between Father and Son happens. In verses 41 and 42, it says this,
41. Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead was laid. And Jesus lifted up his eyes, and said, Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me.
42. And I knew that thou hearest me always: but because of the people which
stand by I said it, that they may believe that thou hast sent me.
What I have always loved about this interaction between the Father and the Son is that He knew the Father heard Him. Christ, the Savior of the World, reached out to his Dad! He prayed. I’m not sure what he said or what he asked for, but he knew that if he asked his Father he would provide the answer, provide a blessing, give reassurance, offer comfort and so many other things he needed. In this moment, in recorded scripture, the relationship was shown here, Son to Father and Father to Son. I have had similar experiences as my knees have hit the floor. When I arise I can call out with a Loud voice, “Lazarus, come forth,” or “Get thee behind me Satan,” or “I can do it!” or “I can make it,” or “I am a son/daughter of God,” or “He does love me, someone loves me.”
In short, we all have voices we have to deal with through this mortal existence. It really comes down, at least for me, that I can catch the vision of who I am and what I can become because of how I am seen. At times, this vision of ourselves can be awkward, we can be lazy at times, self-indulging, self-centered, incapable, insecure and so many other shortfalls. But the vision is also one of honoring, respectfulness, loving, trusting, caring, serving, smart, capable, and many others that maybe I don’t acknowledge. I get to discover the way that I can be. As I align myself with the way that God or Heavenly Father sees me, even when I can’t see clearly, He always sees me the same. His. As I said above, I am trying to develop this same love shown to me by our Father and his Son to my children.
I said above that maybe this is for me but after writing this initial post maybe this is for my children. The hope is that as long as there is a thing called the interweb, they can have this as a way to understand a little of me. But I also feel that if you get something out of this then we have both been uplifted and edified. I truly am just a man, a father, and a husband, navigating the seas of thoughts and the thoughts of the eternities that await.